The duty of wards and priesthood quorums to support marriages#
From a slide deck used for priesthood leadership training, St. Louis Missouri South Stake, 5 March 2011
Questions to start discussion#
Questions:
What is the most important unit of the church?
What is the most important council in the church?
What is the most permanent council in the church?
[optional]
Lydia and Newel Knight were the first couple ever married by Joseph Smith. It was a “single adult” wedding; her husband had run off and abandoned the family, and he was a widower. After Newel’s early death halfway to Utah, Lydia remarried at least twice, with a divorce and another husband predeceasing her.
Lydia Lathrop Palmer was in a part-member family: her husband joined in 1833 and she wasn’t baptized until 1845, the year before her death.
The point is, marriages don’t always work out the way we hope they will.
The family is eternal#
“The family is not an accident of mortality. It existed as an organizational unit in the heavens before the world was formed; historically, it started on earth with Adam and Eve, as recorded in Genesis. Adam and Eve were married and sealed for time and all eternity by the Lord, and as a result their family will exist eternally.”
– Elder Robert D. Hales1
“This order … of family government where a man and woman enter into a covenant with God—just as did Adam and Eve—to be sealed for eternity, to have posterity … is the only means by which we can one day see the face of God and live.”
– Pres. Ezra Taft Benson2
My second biggest surprise as a bishop was how many marriages were in trouble. (The biggest surprise was how much mail I got from the Church.)
So, how are marriages going in your ward or quorum?
Marriage is crucially important
A lot of marriages have serious problems
⇒ helping marriages succeed is a very important mission for your
bishopric
presidency
ward or stake council
Possible action steps#
Teach the doctrinal principles. Examples:
Marry
Don’t wait for money / education / career
Be happy
Have children
Husband more important than children, wife more important than career or other callings
Couples prayer
Love, generosity
Sex
“Parents, teachers, and leaders can help young people prepare for the blessings of Abraham.”
– Julie B. Beck3
Possible action steps#
Teach the ideal
“We’d like not to take care of the exception first. We will take care of the rule first, and then we will see to the exceptions.” (an unnamed mission R.S. president, quoted by Pres. Boyd K. Packer)
Share successes
Be sensitive to the needs of married couples and families
E.g., not calling both parents of young children to positions that require them to be out of the home at the same time
NOTE: Numerous quotes from the Church Handbook of Instructions follow, with section numbers like 17.2.1. The Handbook has since been updated.
“Although service in Church callings requires sacrifice, it should not compromise a member’s ability to fulfill family and employment responsibilities.” (see17.2.1)
“Before calling a married person to an assignment that requires a significant time commitment, Church leaders consider the effect of the calling on the marriage and family.” (19.1.1)
“When extending callings, scheduling leadership meetings, and planning activities, leaders consider the family circumstances of members. Church service and participation always entail a measure of sacrifice. However, strong families are vital to the Church, and members should not be asked to make excessive family sacrifices to serve or to support programs or activities.” (17.2.1)
“One family circumstance to consider is the Church calling(s) held by a member’s husband or wife. Individual families should not be overburdened with Church responsibilities. Another circumstance to consider is the overall time demands that members face in supporting their families and taking care of other personal matters.” (17.2.1)
“Leaders ensure that activities strengthen the family rather than compete with it. Some activities can be family centered, giving families opportunities to participate together. Activities should support parents by teaching their children to be faithful followers of Christ.
“Leaders also ensure that activities do not become so numerous that they put undue burdens on members.” (13.2.2)
“Leaders should keep parents informed of activities for children and youth.
“Monday nights are reserved for family home evening.(See 13.6.10” (13.2.7)
Roles of Parents and Church Leaders#
“Parents have the first responsibility for the spiritual and physical welfare of their children (seeD&C 68:25–28). The bishopric and other Aaronic Priesthood leaders support but do not replace parents in this responsibility. They offer support in the following ways:
They assist parents in helping their sons prepare for priesthood ordinations, the temple endowment, full-time missionary service, temple marriage, and fatherhood.
They encourage communication between young men and their parents.
They ensure that quorum activities and other youth events do not put undue burdens on families or compete with family activities.
Leaders should be especially sensitive to young men who come from homes that lack strong support for gospel living. (8.2) (compare 10.2, Young Women section)
7.3 Ward Melchizedek Priesthood Leadership#
This chapter focuses on administering the elders quorum and high priests group in a way that strengthens individuals and families.
“The bishop … and his counselors work closely with the elders quorum president and the high priests group leader in watching over quorum and group members and their families.” (7.3.1)
“The elders quorum president and high priests group leader have the following responsibilities: They serve as members of the ward priesthood executive committee and ward council. As members of this committee and council, they participate in efforts to build faith and strengthen individuals and families (seechapter 4).” (7.3.2)
“Home teaching is one way Heavenly Father blesses His children. Home teachers ‘visit the house of each member, exhorting them to pray vocally and in secret and attend to _____________’ (D&C 20:51).” (7.4.1)
Answer:
“Home teaching is one way Heavenly Father blesses His children. Home teachers ‘visit the house of each member, exhorting them to pray vocally and in secret and attend to all family duties.’ (D&C 20:51).”
“In organizing home teaching, quorum and group leaders prayerfully discuss the needs of individuals and families. Leaders discuss ways home teachers can watch over and strengthen these members, consulting with the priesthood executive committee and ward council as needed.” (7.4.2)
“Some members may experience serious social and emotional challenges, such as … marriage and family problems …
“Members who face these and other similar challenges require increased sensitivity, understanding, compassion, and confidentiality. Bishops can be instrumental in helping members heal and recover. … Bishops should offer spiritual solutions by helping individuals understand the basic doctrines of hope and redemption through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
“The behavior of individuals with social and emotional challenges often adversely affects spouses and family members. The bishop and others whom he asks to assist should meet with those who are adversely affected and extend support and understanding to them.
“The bishop may consult with LDS Family Services agencies, where available, for help in assessing needs, determining the need for professional counseling, and identifying resources to assist members with social and emotional challenges. The bishop may also use the Church Materials Catalog to identify Church publications that have been prepared to help these members.” (5.2.10)
“Church leaders encourage members to qualify for temple marriage and to be married in a temple.” (3.5)
“The purpose of a temple marriage, referred to in the scriptures as ‘the new and everlasting covenant of marriage’ (D&C 131:2), is to seal a husband and wife for time and eternity, subject to their faithfulness. Only a marriage that has been sealed in the temple and confirmed by the Holy Spirit of Promise can be eternal (seeD&C 132:7). Through this ordinance, a couple’s children may also be part of their eternal family.”
“Members of the bishopric ensure that youth understand the blessings of temple covenants and temple marriage and the requirements for receiving these blessings.” (7.1.7)
“No priesthood officer is to counsel a person whom to marry. Nor should he counsel a person to divorce his or her spouse. Those decisions must originate and remain with the individual.”
“When a marriage ends in divorce, or if a husband and wife separate, they should always receive counseling from Church leaders.”
“In addition to the inspired help of Church leaders, members may need professional counseling. In the United States and Canada, stake presidents and bishops may contact LDS Family Services to identify resources to provide such counseling in harmony with gospel principles (1-801-240-1711; 1-800-453-3860, extension 2-1711; orldsfamilyservices.org).”
TO DO#
We know you already do many important things in this respect.
Is there anything additional …#
… that you are going to do
as a priesthood leader
to strengthen marriages?
How can you involve the ward council to address this need?
In what venues can you teach?
How can you teach?
Are there any practices in your ward or quorum that need adjustment to follow the handbook?
Resources#
Slides for answering questions.
“As part of the repentance process, transgressors should seek forgiveness from the people they have wronged. The repentance of a married person who is involved in a sexual transgression usually includes confessing to and seeking forgiveness from his spouse.” (6.6)
“A man and a woman should not travel alone together for Church activities, meetings, or assignments unless they are married to each other or are both single.” (17.1.48)
“A married person must have the consent of his or her spouse before being baptized.” (16.3.10)
“The [stake president] also encourages young returning missionaries to live worthy of and prepare for marriage in the temple. However, he should not suggest or imply that they should be married within a specified time.” (4.10.3)
“It is entirely appropriate and desirable that priesthood leaders counsel returning missionaries on the importance of continuing to live standards that will lead to celestial marriage. It is considered unwise, however, to recommend or imply that the missionary should be married within a specified time period following his release. Although the returned missionary should keep himself worthy and pointed toward marriage, the decision to marry is of such importance that it should be approached only after the most prayerful and careful consideration. … [T]he returned missionary should not feel pressured by specific time constraints in approaching this very personal, sacred, and significant decision.”4
“Brethren, we should be earnest students of revealed priesthood and quorum principles. Our goal is to correctly use inspired direction from God and His prophets to maximize the virtues and blessings of the quorum and strengthen young men and their families.”5
– Brother Michael A. Neider, second counselor, Young Men general presidency,
In the early days of the Church, men gave to their quorums “their undivided, loyal allegiance. … We shall never know the full strength and beauty of the friendships created in those priesthood [quorums]. Men cared for each other’s families when missions were undertaken. Privations and sorrows were shared, and loyalties were created. … Men offered their very lives for each other. …
“It is true, we are not exposed to the same physical dangers which once existed, but we are beset by innumerable other hazards which I fear are sometimes worse in their ultimate consequences than those that confronted our forebears. Do we need friends to meet these situations? We do!”
– Elder Stephen L Richards, 19396
- 1
Robert D. Hales, “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” in Dawn Hall Anderson, ed., Clothed with Charity: Talks from the 1996 Women’s Conference (1997), 134.
- 2
Ensign, March, 2011, p. 15.
- 3
Julie B. Beck, Ensign , March 2011, 15
- 4
26 May 1978 messages from Church Headquarters to stake, mission, and district presidents and bishops and branch presidents (cited in Janet Brigham, “When ‘The Best Two Years’ Are Over,” Ensign, Dec 1978, 29;
- 5
Michael A. Neider, second counselor, Young Men general presidency, April, 2009, General Conference.
- 6
Stephen L Richards, “The Priesthood Quorum: A Three-Fold Definition,” Improvement Era, May 1939, 294.