Mother’s Day#
A talk given in Webster Groves ward on Mother’s Day 2021
Thoughts#
For ∼100% of our lives, we have been single and childless. If that assertion seems strange to you, remember that we lived for at least thousands of years before we were born here in earth. So in fact for ∼100% of our lives we have also been incorporeal.
Why then do we spend so much time teaching about marriage and parenting? Because it’s the eternal goal. For the same reason, we spend a lot of time teaching children about serving a mission, even though none of them has served a mission. We spend a lot of time in seminary class training the youth how to succeed as a bishop or a Relief Society president, even though none of them has served in such a calling.
In doing this, most of our time we spend talking about perfection, even though none of us is perfect. Similarly, in secular education, we spend a lot of time teaching about circles, even though none of us has seen a perfect Platonic circle in the real world.
This focus can lead to some angst. But an apostle explained, “Because we do know [about all the exceptions and problems to the ideal family model,] and because we do care, we must teach the rules of happiness without dilution, apology, or avoidance.” (Pres. Packer)
In other words, when teaching the gospel, we focus on principles rather than exceptions, because by their very nature, exceptions are individal.
“If you are righteous and faithful to the end, no matter what your present status, you ultimately will be blessed as part of a family unit. [i.e., God’s plan for every person in this audience is for him or her to become a mother or father—whether in this life or in the next.] Thus, it behooves all of us to learn and live, to the degree we can in our present situation, the principles governing family life in preparation for exaltation, whether we’re a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, or a child—whether we are single or married. This is the Lord’s pattern, His expanded view of the word ‘family.’” (Elder Gene R. Cook, 1984)
Importance of motherhood#
Motherhood is a woman’s second most permanent and second most important calling. Why is that?
Paul wrote to his converts at Corinth, “ye are … the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart” (2 Cor 3:3). Mothers, like God, write on the fleshy tables of the human heart, and often do so more effectively than any other earthly influence. In the words of Daniel Webster, “If we work upon marble, it will perish; if we work upon brass, time will efface it. If we rear temples, they will crumble to the dust. But if we work on men’s immortal minds, if we imbue them with high principles, with the just fear of God, and love of their fellow-men, we engrave on those tablets something which no time can efface, and which will brighten and brighten to all eternity.”
Elder Holland taught, “no love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child. … it is not only that they bear us, but they continue bearing with us. It is not only the prenatal carrying but the lifelong carrying that makes mothering such a staggering feat. … How can mortal love be so strong that you voluntarily subject yourself to responsibility, vulnerability, anxiety, and heartache and just keep coming back for more of the same? What kind of mortal love can make you feel, once you have a child, that your life is never, ever your own again? Maternal love has to be divine. … What mothers do is an essential element of Christ’s work. Knowing that should be enough to tell us the impact of such love will range between unbearable and transcendent, over and over again.”
To anyone drowning in the imperfection of our current status#
Jesus’ Atonement fixes all the bad stuff in our lives. All the bad stuff. That includes our problematic relationship with our mother … or our spouse or children, involuntary childlessness, a divorce, and our own failings as parents. Elder Holland said, “no one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. … “
Elder Holland told mothers, “Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children. … Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope” (2 Ne. 31:20). You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging.”
To those currently serving as mothers#
Many of you are great examples to me of motherhood, and some of you may be surprised to know I’m thinking especially of you, especially those who continue despite substantial challenges.
Elder Holland pointed out that, like the Savior, mothers bear us, carry us, labor with us, and deliver us. He said, “To all of our mothers everywhere, past, present, or future, I say, ‘Thank you. Thank you for giving birth, for shaping souls, for forming character, and for demonstrating the pure love of Christ.’ … To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle—and all will—I say, ‘Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are.’
To all of us who ever had a mother#
“children can break their mothers’ heart. Here too we see another comparison with the divine. … Jesus died of a broken heart. … So in any moment of temptation, may we “behold [our] mother” as well as our Savior and spare them both the sorrow of our sinning.” (E. Holland, 2015).
Please remember today—and hopefully every day—the mothers in your life. Let me close by taking my own advice:
My mom died over 20 years ago. But her influence on my life continues. She worked really hard at mothering and teaching sacrifice for principles. I keep being surprised to find out everybody’s mom didn’t show them how to do X. Happy Mothers’ Day, mom.
And Happy Mothers’ Day to the mother of my children, the glue that has held our home together, the model of striving for self-improvement and sacrificing for her children, a Renaissance woman and my best friend, Winona Black.
Resources#
His 1997 talk, “Because She Is a Mother” “You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well.”
Daniel Webster, Boston, May, 1852, in George Ticknor Curtis, Life of Daniel Webster, Volume 2, p. 617
A quote I think I remember? “when teaching the gospel, we focus on principles rather than exceptions, because by their very nature, exceptions are personal.”
When we speak plainly of divorce, abuse, gender identity, contraception, abortion, parental neglect, we are thought by some to be way out of touch or to be uncaring. Some ask if we know how many we hurt when we speak plainly. Do we know of marriages in trouble, of the many who remain single, of single-parent families, of couples unable to have children, of parents with wayward children, or of those confused about gender? Do we know? Do we care? Those who ask have no idea how much we care; you know little of the sleepless nights, of the endless hours of work, of prayer, of study, of travel—all for the happiness and redemption of mankind. Because we do know and because we do care, we must teach the rules of happiness without dilution, apology, or avoidance. That is our calling.
I once learned a valuable lesson from a mission Relief Society president. In a conference, she announced some tightening up of procedures. A sister stood up and defiantly said, “Those rules can’t apply to us! You don’t understand us! We are an exception.” That wonderful Relief Society president replied, “Dear sister, we’d like not to take care of the exception first. We will establish the rule first, and then we’ll see to the exception.” Many times I have borrowed from her wisdom, grateful for what she taught me.
Close to that principle: (Oct., 1999, General Conference) “Teachers who are commanded to teach “the principles of [the] gospel” and “the doctrine of the kingdom” (D&C 88:77) should generally forgo teaching specific rules or applications. For example, … Once a teacher has taught the doctrine and the associated principles from the scriptures and the living prophets, such specific applications or rules are generally the responsibility of individuals and families.”
KJB, May 10, 2020: “My mom died over 20 years ago. But her influence on my life continues. She worked really hard at mothering and teaching sacrifice for principles. I keep being surprised to find out everybody’s mom didn’t show them how to do X. Happy Mothers’ Day, mom. And Happy Mothers’ Day to the mother of my children, the glue that has held our home together, the model of striving for self-improvement and sacrificing for her children, a Renaissance woman and my best friend, Winona Black.”
“You always were and ever will be a member of the family of God. You are his son or his daughter. It doesn’t matter if your parents or spouse or brothers or sisters are members, nonmembers, living, or dead, they are still your family. And if you are righteous and faithful to the end, no matter what your present status, you ultimately will be blessed as part of a family unit. Thus, it behooves all of us to learn and live, to the degree we can in our present situation, the principles governing family life in preparation for exaltation, whether we’re a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, or a child—whether we are single or married. This is the Lord’s pattern, His expanded view of the word family.” (Elder Gene R. Cook, 1984)
From my card to WB 2020:
Happy Mother’s Day to the mother of my children. I wanted to tell you some of the ways you have made our children’s and my lives so much better. You show your love for us in many ways.
You sacrifice for us. The choice to have a child, and to do so again, is a manifestation of your faith. It led to all the discomforts of pregnancy, sleepless nights with babies, diapers and nursing and perhaps most obviously being there every time a little voice said, “Mom?” It was a choice that led to career sacrifices and fewer interactions with adults. But you don’t complain about it. Instead, you worked hard to make sure all the children felt that they were worth it.